The Office Season 8
By: Kyle Patrick N. Hicks
OPENS :DUNNDER MIFFLIN - MORNING
JIM talking to the camera walking up to the building
JIM
What no?! you didn’t here, we’ve decided on who the new boss was like a day after you guy left for the summer and stopped filming,
Jim walks into the building into the elevator. ANDY is dressed very professionally and STANLEY is there too.
JIM
Hey there boss
ANDY
(without making eye contact) tuna
JIM
Stanley
STANLEY
Those cameras are back?
JIM
Ahh I’m good thanks for asking
The elevator opens. JIM STANDLEY and ANDY walk into the office pass the bosses office where the blinds are closed. ERIN looks over at the office and signs. Then ERIN looks over at ANDY as he walks by and looks even sadder. ANDY walks right by the office and sits at his desk revealing to the audients that he isn’t the new manager. The blinds open and DARREN is standing there looking over the workers smiling until DWIGHT walks in standing very closely beside him.
DWIGHT
What are you doing in here your office is on the West side or as you may say WEEESSST IDE
DARREN
(whispers) I was just imagining
putting his hand on the glass imagination
DWIGHT
Imaging what, rainbows, unicorn whatever YOU PEOPLE imaging
Darren looks at him
DARREN
What do you mean you people?
HEAD SHOT ANDY
ANDY
I thought I got the position so I went out and bought a whole new excessive wardrobe. But I’m not bummed out it’s all mental. if you spend 7000dollars on closet your going to make 7000 dollars on closet…right?
CUT OUT: DARREL SITTING BESIDE ANDY
DARREL
(to ANDY) That’s mental alright. (to CAMERAS) Yes it’s true I didn’t get the manager position but that’s ok, I’ve grow as a person and now see that raising me daught is the most-
DARREN breaks out in tears. ANDY puts his hand on his back.
ANDY
(to DARREL) It’s not your fault…it’s not your fault
CUT BACK:
THE FINGERLAKES GUY walked into the office.
pause
THE FINGERLAKES GUY
Hey
About seven of the office workers look over and give out an uneasy greeting PAM and JIM are sitting at there desk.
PAM
(whisper to JIM) what is he doing here again.
JIM
(to THE FINGERLAKES GUY) how can I help you.
THE FINGERLAKES GUY
Oh I was in the neighbour and thought I’d stop by and see if you were hiring for the manger position again?
JIM stands up and walks over to THE FINGERLAKES GUY, puts his hand on his back trying to lead him out.
JIM
No we’re STILL not hiring for the manger spot but like the four other times you’ve came in I’ll let you know when we do.
THE FINGERLAKES GUY leaves
PAM
Man that guy is presentations
THE FINGERLAKES GUY walks back in with his hand out holding something
THE FINGERLAKES GUY
By the by here’s my new business card with my new fax number on it.
Opening Credits
Zoom out to seeing ERIN watching ANDY at his desk sadly from her desk.
HEAD SHOT OF ERIN
ERIN
So Andy doesn’t love me…and Phyllis isn’t my mother but that’s fine
CUT TO: JORDAN sitting on ANDY’S desk talking to him while he put his hand on her leg.
ERIN
And Andy is dating Jordan is fine with me, I mean he had to watch me with Gab. I’ve learn to coop with it all. It really helps that I starting cutting myself.
ERIN smiles.
CUT BACK TO: DWIGHT on his computer.
DWIGHT
Attention co worker I just got a email from Michael. He is fine. He and Holly are trying to have kids.
JIM
(to DWIGHT) That’s weird I just got a email from Michael saying him and Holly broke up and he’s joining a hell angels gang.
DWIGHT
Hmm let me check. I did get a email from his other email
mikelump@gmail.com but have the time I can’t make out the messageJIM
Whys that?
DWIGHT
Mike Lumps fingers are too big he ends up hitting all the keys when typing.
JORDAN and ANDY are talking, JORDAN looks over the ERIN and JORDAN evilly words the word hi with her hand pretending it’s a puppet to mock her for the embarrassing way she asked ANDY out last season. CREED walks into the office with a big smile on his face.
CREED
Jolene what’s on the agenda today.
JORDAN
(to CREED) the head leaders of Dunder Mifflin need you to full out this.
JORDAN hands CREED a cross word book as he walks into the office.
PAM
Ok what’s really on the agenda today?
JORDAN
We have to call the-
PAM VOICE OVER
(avoid) Since someone couldn’t decide on a new boss
CUT TO: JIM AND PAM HEAD SHOT
PAM
It was up to me to make sure that CREED didn’t burn this place down.
JIM
Long story short Jo thought that Creed was doing such a good job that she decided to keep him on.
CREED HEADSHOT
Yeah I’m still supervisor and I’m more happy then a pig out of mud.
DWIGHT HEAD SHOT
Yes I wanted to be manager and I still think I’m the best for the job. I’m curious about whether Creed is going to stay as manager and I am also curious if I’ll get the job. You could say I’m Bi-curious.
CUT TO: THE KITCHEN
KELLY, ANDY AND RYAN are standing around drinking coffee. ERIN walks in on her way to THE ANNEX
ANDY
Hello Erin
ERIN
Hey
ANDY
Man she seems down.
KELLY
What do you expect? Between you rejecting her and Phyllis not being her real mother who wouldn’t
“SEEM DOWN.”?
ANDY
I know but I just wish there was something I could do.
RYAN
(condescending) you know there is something to can do about one of them.
ANDY
Your right I-
JORDAN walks in.
ANDY
Oh hi sweetie
JORDAN smiles
ANDY
I was just heading back to your desk, here’s the coffee you asked for.
ANDY hands her a coffee and walks out. JORDAN flatly waves at RYAN. RYAN smiles back so KELLY panics and puts her arm around him.
CUT TO: THE MAIN PART OF THE OFFICE.
CREED walks out with a big smile on his face and hands PAM the cross word.
CREED
(proudly) you can make sure to tell the head office that I finished it in record time.
PAM HEAD SHOT
This is like the 50th day I’ve given him that cross word and he hasn’t notice…even more amazingly he writes in a different answers each time.
ANDY is standing outside of a building.
ANDY
Well Ryan was right about me being about to help with one of Erin’s two problems that why I’m at the orphaning she grow up at.
ANDY sees a ORPHAN standing be hide the fences.
ANDY
Prefect
ANDY walks up to her.
ANDY
Hey there kid to day is your lucky day.
ORPHAN
(excited) Your going to adopt me?
ANDY
Not exactly I want you to go into the room with all the filing cabinets, get a file that says Kelly Erin Hannon on it and bring it back out to me.
ORPHAN
What’s in it for me?
ANDY
A crisp 10 dollar bill.
ORPHAN
Ten dollars? That’s it?
ANDY
Well that’s like 100 to a orphan.
ORPHAN
I’ll do it for 100.
ANDY
(trying to hold back his anger) ah fine (taking money out of his wallet) I guess I’m not going to have any lights this month.
A PRIEST walks up to ANDY from the other side of the fence.
PREIEST
What’s going on here?
ORPHAN
This man gave me 100 dollars to do something for him
PRIEST
what?
ANDY
No, no it’s nothing like that. I’m here on behalf of my friend Erin can I just come in and talk to you?
PRIEST
Well alright then.
CUT TO: PRIEST’S OFFICE
PRIEST
That’s a sweet story and all but I don’t know why she just didn’t search for her parent by her last name.
ANDY
(confused) um what do you mean?
NUN
Well her name is Erin Hannon right?
ANDY
You have got to be kidding me I thought the orphanage gave her that name.
NUN
Why would we named the children there only here for a short while, that would be like naming a fart.
CUT BACK: THE OFFICE
ANDY walks into the office holding up ERIN’S file with a big smile on his face.
ANDY
(to Erin) do you know what this is?
ERIN
A file
ANDY
Very good but more importantly this has the information of your real parents.
PHILLYIS is over at the fax machine listening in looking really scared.
PHILLYIS HEAD SHOT
Turns out that the D.N.A test showed that me and Erin were related…I didn’t give a kid away just to get it back 30 years later.
ERIN
(really excited) what does it say.
ANDY
Well your dad’s names not her.
ERIN
Yay I have a father that isn’t written on the paper work. What’s my mom’s name?
ANDY
A miss Michelle Hannon?
PHILLYIS
Ah thank fucking hell.
ANDY and ERIN look over to her confused.
ANDY
What?
PHILLYIS
Oh I just, the copier was blinking red, I thought it wasn’t working…it is.
PHILLYIS HEAD SHOT
PHILLYIS
Michelle is my cousin…a lot of the woman in my family are unreasonable whores.
ERIN
It says here she lives at 200 Garden Street you think she still lives there?
PHILLYIS
Yes she does. Er I mean I’m sure she does.
ERIN
Would you come with me to meet her Andy? I couldn’t do it without you.
ANDY looks over at JORDAN talking to RYAN in the break room.
ANDY
Um sure but JORDAN can’t see. My last girlfriend broke up with me when she found out that I was still talking to the one before her
ERIN
Like how I broke up with you when I saw you talking to Angela
ANDY
that’s what I was- (sign) yeah like us.
CUT TO: OUTSIDE MICHELLE’S HOUSE.
ERIN and ANDY are walking up to the door.
ERIN
I’m scared can you hold my hand?
ANDY
(smiling) sure.
ERIN knocks on the door and a woman answers.
MICHELLE
Yea?
ERIN
Hello my name is Erin and I’m your daughter.
MICHELLE starts to cry.
MICHELLE
Oh my god.
MICHELLE and ERIN put there arms out but MICHELLE runs by ERIN to one of her lan gnomes on her front grass that has been smashed.
MICHELLE
Someone broke my lil baby.
CUT TO: THE OFFICE
JO walks into the office.
JIM
Jo what are you doing here?
JO
Gab has gone awol, he said something about going to Scranton to win back the security, where is she anyways, and that salesman from Cornel?
JORDAN
He sent me a text an hour again saying me was putting some money into the meter.
JO
Who are you?
JORDAN
Oh I’m Jordan the new executive assistant.
JO
(to PAM) Then what do you do?
PAM
Office Administrator.
JO
Now this wont do at all. We don’t need two girls doing one girls job.
PAM
Well I’ve been here longer.
JO
Well who has more extensions?
PAM
Um
JIM
Wow Jo Pam’s a very hard-
JO
Listen Jim I respect you and all but your wife is dead weight
DWIGHT
Yea you necrophilia
PAM
Dead weight? Dead weight? For the past five months I’ve been making sure that Creed didn’t sell the place to the lowest bitter.
CREED
(from his desk) Does anyone know a five letter word for a statement of belief? I need to know for Jo
JO
I’m Jo you idiot
CREED
In that case I’ll have this done for you in a minute.
JO
This is the idiot that has been running the branch?
EVERYONE nods there head.
JO
How did anything get done here?
JIM
Pam did everything.
JO
Well I guess that changes a couple of things
PAM
You mean I get to keep my job?
JO
No.
PAM looks sad as JIM puts his hand on her shoulder
JO
that means I’m making you the new manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton.
JIM and PAM hug. DWIGHT becomes motionless straying blankly at JO.
CUT TO: MICHELLE’S HOUSE
ERIN and ANDY are sitting in the kitchen.
ERIN
So tell me about my father
MICHELLE
Ugh your father, you know I would think about keeping you if your father wasn’t just some loser I picked up at a bar.
ANDY
What was wrong with him, I mean he couldn’t of been that bad.
MICHELLE
He’d tell lame jokes and wear a stupid hat and the worst part was his name.
ERIN
You remember his name?
MICHELLE
Yea it something Scarn.
ANDY
Wait was it Michael Scarn?
CUT BACK: THE OFFICE
OCSAR
Jim, Dwight, Creed and now Pam, when’s it my turn to be Manager?
MEREDITH
As long as she doesn’t run me over I’m fine with it.
JO
You say something?
OCSAR
No sir.
KEVIN
Oh my god I could of swore you just said that they should give you the job, I must of read your mind or something. ok now you do me.
JIM
(turning to the camera) that’s what she s-
JIM catches himself saying it and stops.
KEVIN
Come on try
OSCAR
I don’t know food?
KEVIN
Close I was thinking how hot Kelly looks in that low cut shirt.
KELLY smiles at KEVIN
KELLY
Aw your so sweet
RYAN Puts his arm around KELLY like how she did with JORDAN
ANGELA
That’s disgusting Kevin how is that close to food?
KEVIN
I want to eat both.
The whole office makes disgusted noises
TOBY
Kevin I believe that’s sexual harassment you can’t talk like that-
KELLY
God shut up Toby
DWIGHT
Wait a sec…the security is the new boss?
JO
You got it buddy
DWIGHT grabs a couple of his boggle heads and walks out. CREED walks by DWIGHT’S desk and takes some stuff off as well.
CREED
Well it was a fun five weeks
PAM
It was five months.
CREED
Ha maybe in human years.
End Credits
CUT TO: MICHELLE HOUSE -AFTER NOON
ERIN and ANDY walk out
ANDY
(to Michelle) thanks for your hospitality
MICHELLE
Came back anytime, well not really I kind of have my own life so…but good luck.
They both walk to the end of the drive way when Erin starts to cry.
ANDY
Hey hey hey what’s wrong? I thought you’d be happy you meant your mom and Michael’s your father how cool is that?
ERIN
My mom doesn’t want me and my dad is better of without me. I’m so alone.
ANDY hugs her.
ANDY
No your not…you have me
Still holding ERIN ANDY kisses her. As be hide them GAB is watching in a bush.
GAB
Oh it’s on like Diddy Kong
